Josie: "I wonder how much you could get for a goat."
Anna: "A midget husband."
(talking about the value of cow-wife trades)

"And God spake unto thee, 'I am the way, the truth, and the clearasil.'" --Chris.

Anna and Graylan, discussing possible strategies to ward off an annoying possible gentleman caller:
"I could make a new phone message... 'This is Anna's boyfriend, Dwayne!! If this isn't me, hang up right now!!'"

Jeremy: "That's the Dejected Monkeywalk."
Emily: "'Dejected' is a good word."
Josie: "'Monkeywalk' is a good phrase!"
Emily: "Together, they create a superpower that is unparalleled."

Chris: "Am I the only one who drinks 2%?"
Josie: "Yes, you sick fuck."

"Dr. Evil doesn't exactly personify what every woman wants to personify when she's looked at!" --Josie, to Jesse.

"MUST... HOLD... BOOBS... WHEN... RUNNING!!" --Jana.

"I'm gonna go to bed at 8 o'clock. Or 7. Whichever comes first." --Chris.

Mike, being weird: "I'm gonna have to arrest you on suspicion of sexiness."
and
"I wanna, like, get my brain out and rub it against your brain. Damn."

Mike: "I recall everything now."
Emily: "Oh yeah? Who was the 17th President of the United States?"
Mike: "Mm... Harrison Ford."