"[As a linguist,] I can tell Bs from Ks. There's a whole class on it. It's called Betakappaticism." --Jesse

"When I think of my religious education, all I can remember are stories about growing up in Minnesota. Basically, I can't tell the difference between church and Lake Wobegon." --Chris P.

"I have three 5s, two 1s, and a 20... Go fish?" --Jen, trying to pay her share of the bill at dinner